Sunday July 14, 2002
Book 2: The Teraport Wars — The Teraport Wars
Note: The most accurate galactic census data is compiled by HeadCount Incorporated, which is a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Wormgate Corporation. HeadCount Incorporated performs censuses on the 115,128 star systems officially connected to Wormgates, and at last count showed just over 10,200 trillion sophonts from 203,175 different sapient species. Humans, prolific procreators by almost anyone's standards, account for around one person in 10,000.

HeadCount Incorporated does not, however, perform censuses on the gatekeepers themselves. The F'Sherl-Ganni, were they to allow census-takers into all of their buuthandi, would rocket past Humanity and three other species to claim the #1 spot with 54 trillion sophonts.

Those readers curious for more detailed information (like the list of the top five most populous species in the Galaxy, or the number of actual 31st-century people who still read webcomics) are encouraged to subscribe to HeadCount Incorporated's Galactic Demographics Weekly*.
*Hypernet service required. For more information, contact a hypernet service provider near you.

PDFs

Transcript

Narrator: As the rescuers crash into the central chamber loaded for the proverbial bear, they expect to come under immediate heavy fire from multiple targets.
Narrator: The fire never materializes. The targets have already been targeted, right along with the hostages.
Narrator: Unfortunately, we have other threads to get to just now. Don't worry, though. The bodies in this room aren't going anywhere on their own.
Narrator: Last week we left some smart munitions in flight.
F'sherl Smartbombs: Yee-HAH!
Narrator: They'll have to wait another week. We've got 950 million prison modules to look in on.
F'sherl Smartbombs: Hey...
Narrator: Aboard 950 million prison modules, events unfold nearly identically:
Narrator: ... A monstrous rescue-bot appears with a breathless Gav on its back.
AyleeBot: Hey... you rode through the copy mechanism with me.
Gavclones: It beats being killed by Megiddo and his goons.
AyleeBot: The final transmission from my original module indicates that you have been killed by Megiddo or his goons.
Gavclones: Oh. Well, okay then. But I'm still alive.
AyleeBot: Massively so. There are now 950 million of you.
AyleeBot: According to the latest available galactic census data, blue-haired, Caucasian human males are now the largest single sapient ethnicity in the galaxy. You outnumber several entire sapient species.
AyleeBot: You are no longer merely human. You have become your own, weird demographic.
Gavclones: That reminds me of my days as a web cartoonist.