April 01, 2010

Friday April 1, 2005 • Howard Tayler

Big news, everyone! I've decided to take Schlock Mercenary off of Keenspot and host it myself.

Go ahead and read that again, and make sure you understood it.

Okay... if you're reading this entry, it means your browser has already been redirected to the correct host for schlockmercenary.com Good for you! If you find yourself back at the Keenspot page, however, you'll run out of fresh Schlock very quickly. Don't Panic. Should that happen, you can find your way back here using the IP address embedded in that link.

So... why did I decide to put Schlock Mercenary someplace else? A fair question, and it's one with a straightforward answer: this has always been part of my long-term plan for world domination.

Keenspot is a wonderful host, and a true boon to any cartoonist struggling to find an audience -- provided said cartoonist is capable of attracting an audience in the first place. Keenspot won't make crummy comics popular, but it will ensure that thousands of people who read other comics can consciously CHOOSE to not read a crummy comic, rather than never seeing it in the first place. If you've got a GOOD comic, well, Keenspot can put it in front of more people faster than anybody else in this business.

So why leave? Well, The Tayler Corporation has been plotting to take over the world since 1998. As aspiring global overlords, we here at Tayler are willing to be anyone's minions, provided it serves our short-term needs. We've reached the point, however, where short-term needs can be met in other ways, and where long-term needs (world domination, for instance) are ill-served by hiding under someone else's corporate umbrella.

Also, we found that Steve Jackson Games and Warehouse23 have ties to The Illuminati, who claim to already BE ruling the world. As aspiring global overlords, we can learn much from these Illuminati, which is why months ago we handed our merchandising operation to Warehouse23.

Granted, the Illuminati will be watching us closely, ready to beat us down should we climb the rungs of global power too quickly. This is easy to deal with -- several illuminati are already addicted to Schlock Mercenary, which grants us a measure of control over their behavior they are barely aware of, and certainly afraid to admit to.

You may think I've already said too much. You may decide to take this information and fight your future global master. That's fine. You do that. Your first step is to break free of the mental controls placed on you. Stop reading Schlock Mercenary... if you can...

Are you interested in having me come to your city? Your convention? Your HOUSE? Pay my way and pay my stay, and we can make it happen. The BEST way is to convince the convention organizers that I'm worthy of "GoH" status, but there are alternatives. Email me if you've got an event in mind.