"I've redesigned my website!"

Tuesday March 18, 2003 • Howard Tayler

On the only-slightly-metaphorical 'eve' of what promises to be a massive round of bloodshed, chock-full of trite euphemisms like 'target-rich environment,' 'collateral damage,' and 'measured reprisal' I believe that the single most important thing I can say to you from my position as a globally-read entertainer is this:

"I've redesigned my website!"

Look at how cool this is! The "entry" feature still has its own page, but now, through the ace programming of a nuclear-physicist-by-day-cartoonist-by-night, that feature also appears HERE, on the home page at schlockmercenary.com,where it will be read by literally thousands of people each day.

Some of you had no idea this bloggish thing even existed. For you, I say "you've been missing out. Click here for laughs, as well as for insight into the mind of a madman the cartoonist." The entry is my way of communicating with you more directly -- none of this "author's message" stuff buried deep in what is ultimately just a comic strip. Now you can get the unfiltered author's message here, where I can not only poke fun at things in a manner similar to an editorial humor columnist, but I can also sell you things in a manner similar to a snake-oil huckster.

You probably did not know this, but the Schlock Mercenary T-Shirts have been shown to not cause cancer, tobacco addiction, kidney stones, and a REDUCTION of your SERUM CHOLESTEROL level! That's right, if you are looking to lower your cholesterol, few things will be as radically ineffective as buying a Schlock Mercenary T-Shirt right now!

What can I say? I'm an entertainer, not a politician. Any comment I make on politics would end in very transparently self-serving attempts to make a joke, and while many of you might appreciate that, most of you come here to be entertained apolitically. You've got other, more trustworthy sources for world news. Smarter people than me can do a much better job of telling you what you should think and believe. Frankly, it's a big, scary world out there, and the more you know the bigger and scarier it gets. Spend more time reading Schlock Mercenary and the entry and you'll know less, making the world seem like a small, safe, funny place that exists to provide you and your friends with gravity.