March 03, 2003
Monday March 3, 2003 • Howard Tayler

If you've been following the for ums then you know that our baby arrived. You'll also have a nice picture of him, and you'll know his name. I'd say more, but it's fun to see what you can get people to click on, and besides, I'm still waaay too tired to repeat myself.

Sandra brought home a packet of coupons from the hospital. Moms with new babies are the ultimate target demographic because they have just experienced a lifestyle-changing event, and will therefore be receptive to the idea that they need to buy a product they've never heard of. They're also high on post-partum hormones which induce a behavior many people call "nesting," and one aspect of this is buying stuff with with to furnish the 'nest' for the baby.

(Interestingly, there was enough useless paper in the packet she brought home to furnish about a hundred bird nests, but we're good citizens and rather than leaving this stuff lying about the landfill we're dropping it in a recycling bin.)

One of the coupons was for (and remember, we've got a target demographic: New mothers) a cream that will enlarge your breasts. For those of you who have never witnessed the miracle of birth, there are several attendent mini-miracles, including the miracle of free milk that is not for you. Without saying more, I'll just point out that Sandra does not need that coupon right now.

Okay, I will say more. The conversation went like this, but it's PG-rated, so be warned.

Sandra: "Hey, look! An ad for cream to ENLARGE MY BREASTS? What do YOU think, honey?"

Me (who is male): "Buy it! Buy it ALL!"

Sandra: "Yeah, RIGHT."

Me (who is male): "I don't know. Maybe I could use it on my penis."

Okay... now that I've insulted both my manhood and my intelligence in public (everybody knows, or SHOULD know, that suggesting to your significant other that they could in any way be enhanced surgically or, in this case, creamily, is foolhardy) I'll just say that it's nice to have everyone home. It's been a long, tough ride for the whole family, and I'm looking forward to a return to normalcy.

(Oops... there's a new baby in the house. I just insulted my intelligence again.)