October 17, 2003
Friday October 17, 2003 • Howard Tayler

SSG Gardner, Reporting For Duty
entry,

I should have expected it. I mean, you go and lay praise on a the wife of a man of honor, you ought to anticipate some sort of reply. Here it is, reprinted with permission.

SUBJECT: SSG Gardner reporting as ordered, sir!

MESSAGE: Well, reporting virtually anyway. That's as good as I can do until next month when I (hopefully) take leave. Thanks for your prayers in this regard - I've often felt that Divine Intervention was required to make anything good happen in the Army ;)

I can't help but think, though, that I ought to be thanking you. It's so much easier to serve out here when I know that people still care back home. You should also know that I've been proselytizing for Schlock since getting here. For us Sci-Fi fans a nice batch of fresh humor really brightens up the day. I've made at least one convert, and he's now read it from the beginning through to the present. In fact, my friend managed to show Thursday's open letter to everyone in my office, and they congratulated me accordingly. It was fun being suddenly famous.

Meanwhile, I should also clear up some misinformation being spread on the forum. My deployments so far have sent me to Bosnia, the 2002 Winter Olympics, and Iraq - I'm not sure where the rumors of Afghanistan came from. And I am in the National Guard.

But, yes, I was a freshman at BYU with Randy in 1992. If you could say "Hi" to him for me I'd appreciate it. If either of you need help sometime in the plot to take over the world, let me know.

Sincerely,
SSG Gardner, Vaughn H.

PS - Thanks for the third-party evaluation of my wife's state. I know she's great, and she tells me she's fine, but it's good to hear it confirmed. I guess I've taken our unit mottos of "Never trust a source" and "Never believe the first report" a bit too much to heart =)

PPS - For people outside of Baghdad, it may not be immediately obvious that my "never trust a source" statement is a joke. To set the record straight, my wife has never led me wrong, and she's exempt from the "never trust the first report" caveat, too

Thanks for the letter, Vaughn. Congratulations on your newfound fame. If you catch any back-talk from people poo-pooing your celebrity, tell 'em what I tell 'em: "Just because YOU don't know me doesn't mean I'm not famous."

Maybe I should put that on T-shirts.