NARRATOR: It has come to our attention that readers of "Schlock Mercenary" are not interested in watching a French Canadian lumberjack go through a stick of butter with a chainsaw.
NARRATOR: We've also been told that the French battle cry "My duck is on fire" is unlikely. Apparently French Canadians are more passionate about geese.
NARRATOR: With apologies for yesterday's installment, we proudly present a hard-bitten American lumberjack, Hank Houston!
HANK: Pleased ta meetcha.
FAN #1: I'm going to stop complaining about "Meanwhile at the Galactic Core" now.
FAN #2: Hank's really working that butter.