NARRATOR: Mall-One Emergency Medical Unit, deck 20, 35th south at the 330th...
SHODAN: What happened? How is he?
BUNNIGUS: He crashed through a restaurant chasing a... ninja shoplifter? I don't know. But he ended up with a fork in his eye, two broken ribs, and a dislocated knee.
I had to tranquilize him to prevent him from further injuring himself.
BUNNIGUS: And I've just now learned that with the equipment here, I cannot confidently repair the Captain's right eye while letting him use the left.
BUNNIGUS: This raises an important question...
BUNNIGUS: What will Tagon do when he awakens, and I tell him he has to be blind for two days?
SHODAN: He'll tell you to remove the bad eye completely. He'll settle for a roguish eye-patch until he can schedule two days of convalescence.
And that won't happen for about a year.
BUNNIGUS: Okay. How likely is it that a roguishly-patched Captain Tagon will attempt more deck-jumping in spite of his exciting, new monocular lack of depth perception?
SHODAN: Extremely likely. And he won't stop until he hurts himself again.
You're going to need to assign a corpsman to follow him around full-time.
BUNNIGUS: Thank you. That's all I need. I'm going to exercise my authority as Doctor and keep the Captain sedated until I've completed repairs on his eye.
BUNNIGUS: You're now the ranking officer, Lieutenant Commander Shodan. Enjoy the next two days of command.
SHODAN: Why do I feel like you suckered me into this?
BUNNIGUS: Because that is exactly how this went down.