NARRATOR: Tagii, the artificial intelligence piloting the mercenary warship Touch-And-Go...
TAGII: *thought bubble* Hmmm...
NARRATOR: Originally created by Commander Andreyasn to be a tactical genius with limited self-awareness, she was given sanity, sapience, and gender identity by Lieutenant Para Ventura...
TAGII: *thought bubble* That fall could actually kill Sergeant Schlock, and there is no time to brief anybody in meatspace about the matter.
NARRATOR: She is easily brilliant enough to solve this problem.
TAGII: *thought bubble* V.D.A. node 11,421 is closest.
NARRATOR: The node in question is just smart enough to know what needs to be done...
NARRATOR: Sergeant Schlock has rather foolishly placed himself in a potentially fatal predicament.
NARRATOR: He is also just smart enough to know what needs to be done...
SCHLOCK: My plasgun IS in here with me. This might hurt a little, but I need a rocket right about now...
SCHLOCK: Clear the barrel, position it under my center of mass, engage chassis coupling for maximum thrust...
SCHLOCK: Pull the trigger and think happy thoughts...
SFX: BOOOM
NARRATOR: Unfortunately, two "smart enoughs" often make one "stupid."
SCHLOCK: I need to work harder on those happy thoughts...